Dear God, Got My New Corporate X-Mas Cards

Dear God:

In keeping with the $pirit of the $eason, and to let the community know that we are good neighbors, I just got my Entergy Greeting Cards. I have to say, Entergy's PR folks have out done themselves this year.

The kids are really excited about the upcoming lighting of the reactor domes, and of course they always love doing their Christmas shopping in the Entergy gift catalog. The ten percent employee discount really helps save us money. I'm getting the wife that Entergy bed throw this year, and may splurge for a set of the Entergy coffee mugs.

By the way God, could you put in a word upstairs, and ask management to bring back the Christmas giveaways. The maintenance team really misses those canned hams.

Amen

Fake Jim Steets Up For Award?

Dear God:

First, thank you for keeping Indian Point SAFE over the Thanksgiving Holiday. With the small, even skeletal crew we have on hand during the holidays, there is always a worry that a serious event such as LOCA would see us lose our infrastructure. I can be honest with you God, and we both know there is no way we could get enough people back to Indian Point over a holiday. Hell, half of us are out of town, and the other half live over and hour away in Dutchess county, out of harms way.

Not checked into it yet, but heard it through the grapevine that I am up for some new nuclear industry award called a BAA. Fake Patrick Moore called me with the news today. Wonder if Fake Bob has been nominated? Anyway, my wife and children are walking (unescorted) around the facility, so guess I should go check on them.

Amen

This Is Incredible, Fake NY AREA Started A Prayer Blog

WOW...that Fake Rob has started something bigger than the both of us here at Entergy. I just got home from midnight bowling, and found out that Naughty McDonald, AKA Naughty Norris has started a Fake NY AREA prayer blog. I have to get some sleep, but God, I just had to share this exciting news with you.

My SpinCo Prayer

Hello Again God:

Never quite sure if I should address my prayers to God, or to Entergy Jesus, but sure that they will be answered regardless of which of you I pray to.

Some of us in Entergy are being given a chance to buy into SpinCo in advance of its official listing on the stock exchange, and I am praying for your guidance in this. When the opportunity first came up, I was completely sold on the idea, but some of us have our doubts after recent problems both here and at Vermont Yankee.

If you could just give us a sign God. Maybe Neil Sheehan making a statement to the press that License Renewal for Indian Point is looking favorable? I know Sam Collins keeps assuring us that we have nothing to worry about, but what if someone finds out we cheated on the reactor leak integrity test? That could really foul things up for everyone, we could even be another Enron.

So please God, give me a sign.

Amen

Prayer of St Entergy

Dear God:

I did not know there were some standardized prayers that I could use in speaking with you. It is nice to know I can use these prayers on those days when the roof is falling, so to speak, here at Indian Point. Seriously, my phone rings off the hook here. It has gotten so bad that I now have most calls put through to voice mail and let my secretary wade through them once a week. We have some not so insignificant issues we are trying to keep a lid on here, so going to use one of these new prayers I found. Is it considered proper prayer if I just cut and paste?

Prayer of St Entergy

Entergy Jesus, make me an instrument of your propaganda,
Where there are anti License Renewal hillbillies, let me sow lies,
Where there is site caused cancer, whoops, pardon me,
Where there is doubt, tout Green Nuclear Energy,
Where there is despair, toss around some Entergy dollars,
Where there is darkness, sell them a nuke plant,
Where there is sadness, they already have one,

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much be lied to, as to instead lie to others,
To force acceptance through propaganda
To find love in the janitors closet

For it is in deceiving we receive raises
It is through exemptions we keep operating
and it is through conniving Entergy has eternal life.

Amen

PS I have to go convince the press that adding new sirens to our out of design basis system will solve the issue that people cannot hear them. It will not, but at least we can tell the NRC, "We're working on it."

Oh My God! Don Hintz is a Nuclear Christian Just Like Me!

Dear God:

I know, three prayers in one day, but I just had to write you. I was just about to go naked dancing around the spent fuel pool when my "You Have Mail" flag popped up. Imagine my surprise when it was a memo from one of Entergy's dieties! Rob and I have been noticed by Don Hintz himself, and he wants all of Entergy's nuclear fleet PR employees to start their own prayer blogs. You really do answer prayers.

Memo From Home Office of Don Hintz

As I am now once again keeping a closer eye on Entergy Operations with my anticipated ascension to the throne of our about to be newly formed SpinCo company, it has come to my attention that two of our distinguished PR men, Fake_Rob Williams and Fake_Jim Steets have started prayer blogs. Working in a nuclear reactor, we all know we could be blown to Kingdom Come at any time, so I applaud any effort taken by our employees to get right with God and Patrick Moore.

I am therefore instituting a new prayer blog policy for our entire Entergy Fleet of aging reactors as we carefully attempt to go where no man has gone before...God, I used to love Star Trek. Effective immediately, all PR department employees may spend up to 30 minutes during their plant's fueling outages for Blog Prayer.

In Nuclear We Pray

Don Hintz

This is almost a miracle. I never even knew that Don Hintz knew my name, and now because of my prayer blog, he mentions me in a memo. This is high praise indeed. Thank you God! Wait till the wife hears about this, I might even get lucky tonight. She has been a bit distant ever since I started growing that third testicle.

Amen

Dear Lord, Please Let Our License Control Transfer Go Through

God

Everyone tells me to trust in the Lord My God, but I have to tell you God; sometimes you scare the hell out of everyone at Entergy. I know you don't give us any more than we can handle, but I have to tell you, that lately you have been testing my resolve.

Fleet wide, everyone at Entergy is giving their all to keep safety violations and financial irregularities hidden (decommissioning fund shortfalls) , yet somehow in each perilous turn in the road to spinning our reactors off into a new company, you seem to be testing us, testing our faith in you, and in Patrick Moore.

Rob up in Vermont has his hands full with that whole Cooling Tower collapse, and what seemed like a cake walk to License Renewal for Vermont Yankee is now anything but a sure thing. How can I ask him to help me put out fires down here, help me in calming the uncleansed natives when even the Governor of Vermont is turning on him up there. You already know how many times Rob spoke to you about keeping that cooling tower in one piece until AFTER the new superseding license was granted.

I have my own issues though. Every time I turn around that damn Gary Clary is on the phone with some new question about problems at the plant, or with our non working Emergency Siren system...he needs to understand that Emergency Siren will work when we are good and God Damned ready to make it work, and that the system is not high on our priority system right now.

I am sorry, should not have used your name in vain. Must be Holy Mary time?

Did you know we still get calls on the Transformer Explosion from early this spring? Silly me, of course you do. Luckily we were able to chalk those mysterious drops in containment water pressure off to blocked intakes, so thank you for that. Could you maybe help us in keeping nosy heathens from snooping around and making inquiries into our reactor domes. David Besse aside, this is not the time for us to have to due a full insulation removed inspection of those. We already are going to have problems with our application and EIS because people picked up on our claim there are no refurbishment issues that needed to be considered in our Environmental Report. I can tell you, my bosses were not happy that someone found out we already have reactor vessel heads on order.

Anyway, forgive me God for the things that I say which are not true. Forgive me for not telling reporters about serious safety issues that they don't specifically ask me about, but that's what Entergy pays me to do. Forgive me for those cancer deaths from our daily operation, but you already know that operating a nuclear reactor means there will be some collateral damage, just like in Iraq. It's the price the public pays for us doing business. Also, thank you Lord for not letting Yucca Mountain become a major part of tonight's Democratic Debate.

Amen

Oh by the way God, do you think you could help out with my car loan, I am really wanting that new Hummer.

Dear Jesus, Please Help Hide My Sins

I know it has been a long time since I have spoken with you, but this is me, Fake_Jim Steets from Indian Point. Fake Rob Williams said that you and he have been talking, and that it might do some good if I were to send my own prayers in your direction. It's funny, I thought he was a comedian for the longest time, and wondered how Entergy had whisked him away from Hollywood to take a job at Vermont Yankee...still have not asked him if he is related to THE Robin Williams.

Not sure how this whole blog prayer thing works, so thought I would start off with something simple, and wait for you to answer me. I have bad knees, so hope it is OK with you if I type this sitting in my chair here at the Indian Point Energy Center.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change:

Like leaking spent fuel pools
and non functioning emergency sirens;

Courage to change the things I can;
Like public perception through propaganda:
and wisdom to know the difference
with my GPA a tough one;

Living one day at a time;
Tough working at Indian Point;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
But does the License Renewal have to be so damn hard?

Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
(does that include Anti-Nuclear Hillbillies?)

Trusting that Patrick Moore will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with him
Forever in the next.

Amen

Oh...one more thing, any chance you could smite down some of Entergy's enemies with a bolt of lightening? I could write you a list in my next prayer.

"There are no winners in a nuclear holocaust except maybe a guy with two heads saying, 'Did we win?', 'Yeah, We won.'"
- Robin Williams, Live from San Francisco